Free The Nipple!

My first guess was that I was three. But I checked the dates and realized I was actually only two years old, still a few months from being three. I was rough housing around the living room with my older brothers. We all pulled off our shirts and were beating our chests like warriors.

I was pulled aside and told I had to put my shirt back on or I couldn't play. That moment marked me. I remember what shirt I was supposed to be wearing, the dim light coming from the lamps by the sofa, and the position of the furniture in the room. But mostly I remember my confusion. I've accepted and gone along with the shame of society at times through my life but the confusion has never left. Shame is very real. It can be so confusing to sift through to find clarity.

It was this time of year. I put on a new pajama set I had received for Christmas a few weeks prior. I walked from my bedroom into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I didn't like the way the tank top showed my developing hips. My older brother's joked on occasion that I had love handles, which felt like a term for someone much older than me. I felt like I wasn't skinny enough. I had been feeling this way about my body for about a year. In a moment of childlike self-love, I decided my body was good enough just the way it was, especially around my family at home. I walked out of the bathroom and down the stairs to watch a movie in the living room.

I didn't get two feet into the kitchen before I was chastised for wearing the shirt. It did not hide the shape of my body, but the specific offense was my developing, barely-there boobs. The words still echo in my mind. "Kelli. I. Can. See. Your. Breasts. Go upstairs and put on a bra." I was mortified and absolutely objectified in that moment, but because I was just a child I did not have the words to describe let alone understand what happened to me and how it made me feel. I turned around and ran upstairs to my bedroom and had a good cry like any twelve year would do.

One blessing of adulthood is that you can recluse from people who project their own shame to find understanding, clarity, and peace about yourself in a way you couldn't as a child. It's taken me a while but I have sifted through quite a bit. I now cling to what I've learned about my true self, which gives me the happiest, healthiest life possible.

I recently posted a photo of my bare chest on Instagram with only my nipple censored. The picture obviously made lots of people uncomfortable. I lost a lot of followers, but I gained about as many as  I lost. Many people reached out letting me know they appreciated my voice and told me their own stories.

I believe that censoring the female nipple does not respect and empower women or their bodies. I believe censoring female nipples shames and oppresses women. Nipples--male and female alike--are not genitals and should not be censored as though they are. The fact that female nipples have an evolutionary purpose should only make their visibility all the more appropriate than a man's. But today, society in general is still completely comfortable viewing a male nipple and absolutely offended at the sight of a female nipple.

Nipples are both a useful and necessary body part (feeding children) and may be sexual as well. However, the same could be said of legs. And I don't support the unnecessary censoring and covering up of female legs either. It is a way in which women are systematically disadvantaged from men. Can you believe there are legal and illegal nipples?

Saying that a woman's nipple must be covered up but a man's doesn't is saying that there is something inherently more sexual about a woman's nipple (and her entire body) than a man's. This is like when people try to say that men are naturally more sexual creatures than women. Both statements are not only false, but they both deny and force upon women and girls a sexual identity (and I suppose upon boys and men as well!). My unclothed body was sexualized and stigmatized before I could dress myself. And in my church, pornography is a problem that "only the menfolk struggle with." It is as though sexuality is a male only characteristic, and that, biologically, women aren't sexual at all. Especially in my church, but in society at large, women are denied the dignity of a sexual identity at all. Heaven forbid she has a healthy sexual appetite.

Guess what? Women and men are not that different. Men love sex, women love sex, men love food and naps, women love food and naps. Sexuality is a human trait, not a gender trait.

And then, since this is my blog, I'm going to address a comment that I received on my Instagram post. The message came from several commenters who suggested that the photo was pornographic. Here, take a look and decide for yourself.

While I respect everyone who commented and their right to their own opinion, I deeply disagree with that sentiment. And just to briefly revisit the definition of pornography, it is any explicit image of genitals OR an image intended to elicit sexual arousal. So first, the image was of my chest, not genitals.  As both the person in the image and the creator of the image, there was nothing about the image that was intended to elicit erotic feelings. None.

This is important to me: The naked female body is not objectively porn. Porn is porn.

Anyone could look at literally any photograph, or any real person, wearing any varying amount of clothing and either be aroused or not. I find people sexually attractive all the time, all day, with varying amounts of clothing on. I'm not looking at porn and I'm not a monster, I'm a human being. I shrug my shoulders and go on with my day.

There are plenty of worse or greater forms of oppression for many other groups, but I believe that there's no freedom til we're all equal. All oppression is one. All freedom is one. I'm not so concerned with the oppression I face, because I live a ridiculously privileged life.

I believe in free the nipple because people still think that short skirts are asking for it and that the unclothed, uncovered female body is inherently sexual. Rape culture is still contested by society at large and females are still slut-shaming even themselves.

And although I don't intend to devote my life to freeing the nipple, it's definitely something I believe in.

If you have any other questions or comments, feel free to leave a comment below. You can email, text, or call me. I am open to chatting with anyone about this. If you'd like, let's go to lunch and have an open conversation about censorship.

xo

PS, here is a blog post I LOVE that talks about Mormons, boob jobs, and modesty.