i'm just admitting that i'm scared. i'm looking over my toes feeling the emptiness between the diving board and the water fourteen feet below.
it's so easy to fantasize about the future, a world free of worries and heartbreak. but when i start to take action i'm just plain horrified. to be honest, i think this is a sign i'm growing up. even just a few years ago i went into everything without a second thought. now i've learned from those choices that not everything is as easy as an eighteen year old wants it to be.
i have dreams of a family and dreams of education and dreams of a career. it's just plain awkward when people around me are actually living the dreams i have, too. i mean what's the big difference between them and me? i'm inspired by them and at the same time, i'm asleep, and all i want is to wake up, stop dreaming, and take action!
i'm torn between the contentment of a simple life comfortably enjoyed a day at a time and the fulfillment of an ambitious life that stretches me uncomfortably through the years. the thing is all my big dreams require big commitment. long term commitment. high quality commitment. whole-hearted commitment.
i stand at the diving board with no one to push me in. i'm here, there is no alternate or backtracking path. my dreams have brought me this far. i've left myself with only one option: jump.
3 comments:
Jumping is one of the hardest things to do and yet, I've found it is also very rewarding!
I'm feeling the same things, Kell. It's irritating when you know, too, that you're just as capable if not more than some around you but for some reason you're not doing it.
Oi. It's just all so scary and hard sometimes.
you describe this so perfectly.
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