okay--i'll be honest. i'm navigating a personal crisis of belief. that said, i've been fairly open about this with important people in my life. it's seems okay to be open enough about that here.
over the past year, after experiencing mind-blowing realizations about silly cultural myths i've regarded as truth most of my life, as well as facing and stumbling over hard-to-answer questions, i've begun conducting what i've called a "cleaning of the closet". like cleaning out your actual closet, it's been relieving and refreshing with so much more room to live and move and do and be!
the method is simple. i've been approaching each of my beliefs, dissected and compartmentalized, like the drawers of a dresser, and evaluating each of it's contributing pieces, like each shirt on a hanger. each item goes into either a 'stay' pile, a 'go' pile, or a 'maybe' pile. the maybes are the ones i don't have energy or information enough to decide if it should stay or go; that pile is rather large. i've been coming back to these maybes again and again; such is my plan for hopefully the rest of my life. i've accepted that a revolving maybe pile is key to spiritual wealth.
most of what i've tossed into the go pile has been easily released; though some have been difficult to part with, however necessary the parting was. and others have been straight energizing. you know that moment when you spot that hideous top in the back of your closet and you wonder why on earth it ever made it in there in the first place, let alone why it's still there? and then you victoriously yank it off the hanger and triumphantly toss it as far as you can into the "hell no!" pile? you know that feeling? some of this spiritual cleaning process has been like that. it feels so good i could sing it.
so far the overall outcome has been positive: the stay pile, or the truths, real truths, that i've received from heaven are shining brighter in my life. i can see them and their importance clearer, without having to navigate through a pile of less or unimportant ideas. i feel firmer in what i do know. i feel overall happier in ways i truly never knew were possible. i feel lighter. i feel closer to heaven. that last sentence is perfect evidence that this spiritual project is worthwhile. i highly recommend this strategy to anyone else struggling over their beliefs. it's an effective, organized approach to a faith crisis; i hope it evolves into a long-lasting pattern of spiritual abudance, faith crisis or otherwise.
ps, there's (likely) more on the actual conclusions i've reached to come.
5 comments:
the gospel is not 'pick and choose'. if you are lacking faith in a certain principle/commandment you should be striving to gain faith in that principle/commandment, not tossing it out like an old sweater... no matter how old, tattered or outdated it may seem to you.
Sure love you Kelli! I know it's a raging storm out there of people and ideas telling us what to believe (though never claiming to do so). I find that as long as I read the Book of Mormon daily, I can keep a clear perspective on some of those things even if I don't have the answers. There is so much power in that book. I'm always happy and open to chat!
I don't agree with Katrina. I don't think God wants us to all be mindless followers. There are a lot of things in the church history that bother me and quite frankly are really WACK. If I don't "toss them out like an old sweater" I begin to dwell on them. I need to toss them out and move on and hope that one day it will all make sense in my head OR what I really wish would happen is that the church would welcome more honesty and questions.
Up with honesty!
you're so open and honest and i can't think of a single thing i respect about you more than that.
i also tend to dwell on things and freeing myself of the burdens of trying to figure them out usually just makes me unhappy and feel heavy and ill. so i struggle a lot with this concept!!!
i also think there is an important distinction to make between the Gospel of Jesus Christ and ... well... everything else! because sometimes it all just doesn't line up. the Gospel will always be true and real and amazing and perfect. some beliefs and other things just aren't!
let's hang out!
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