chronicles of she

my rules for living // facts i've discovered about life

∴   love yourself. unconditionally. speak kindly about yourself, be patient with yourself, believe in yourself. enjoy yourself. spend quality time with yourself. enjoy your quirks, idiosyncrasies  and uniqueness. value your health above wealth. treat yourself with the highest respect--physically, spiritually, socially, mentally, emotionally, all of the above. self-respect and self-love are the bottom line for every truly good decision anyone will ever make. they are the key to achieving world peace.

∴   do things that scare you. if something scares you, it's a good idea to try it out. do one small thing that scares you daily, something a little bigger weekly and monthly, and one big scary thing a year. daily, try a new food or greet someone you wouldn't have dared to before. weekly or monthly, attend yoga in the park or ask for a raise. annually, we're talking make that move you've dreamed of, go off the grid, apply to grad school, write a book, get out of that abusive relationship, buy a house, make that career change you haven't stopped thinking about since you visited disneyland three years ago.

because it's not the extra money from the raise that will shape who you are so much as the courage it took to ask for it, or what you learned about yourself in the process of facing that fear.

∴   be fearless. this is different from just doing something that scares you. being fearless isn't just going through the physical act of doing something scary, it's a mentality that has made it's way into every mundane or routine thing you do.

you unexpectedly see a co-worker outside of work while donning gym clothes, sporting no makeup and nappy hair and you have a choice. you can avoid the interaction and lose the experience altogether or you can face the fear of whatever whoever might think about you and put on a smile and engage with another human. we lie or hide who we are out of fear. living fearlessly means being confident and courageous no matter who or what might come of it.

∴   one of the most profoundly human things you can do is talk to someone instead of about them. even in neutral or non-gossip circumstances, talk to someone instead of about them.

∴   time enjoyed is never wasted. we are willing to go through hell for ten minutes of doing something we enjoy. we are willing to pay huge amounts of hard earned dollars to enjoy wearing a pair of shoes a few times or enjoy eating at a fancy dinner for an evening. but then when we find whatever it is we enjoy, we guilt trip ourselves out of the experience. if you can find something you enjoy, even if it's as simple as watching your favorite movie or reading a good book, enjoy it.

finding something you absolutely love can be rare. if not for you, then you're a lucky one because for most people, it's hard to find anything to go crazy for. if you've found something positive that you enjoy, enjoy it. guilt free.

∴   people are humans. every single person who has ever intimidated you, been your boss, been cooler than you, or more famous than you, made more money than you, or been more achieved or successful than you, or been any other thing that has made you think for a second that they are better than you, or even just meaningfully different from you, is a human.

they all poop, they all get hungry, and they were all a dumb kid once. they have been rude, or stupid, or awkward. people who you think could never understand you or your humor also watch the same tv shows you watch, follow the same blogs, even have friends in common with you that you have no idea about. the truth is that people are humans. no matter what other title they carry, they share one really important title with you: human.

∴   give yourself permission to feel your feelings--all of them. this is so stupidly obvious yet rarely happens most times. we don't let ourselves feel angry because bad or out of control people are angry. we don't let ourselves feel sadness because distraction is easier. we don't let ourselves feel happiness because we are so spoiled and already have too much. we don't let ourselves feel jealous because admitting we don't have control over someone else is pure anxiety.

instead we fabricate emotions that we pretend to feel when it's the 'appropriate' time to feel them. we tell people we are happy when really we are only half-fulfilled. we tell people we are disappointed when really we are frustrated. we tell people we are excited when really we are scared shitless.

in childhood, every one of us had someone tell us to stop crying when all we needed to do was cry. as adults, we desperately need someone to give us permission to feel our feelings. the truth is that the best person to grant that permission is ourselves. you're not angry because you're a terrible person, you're angry because you are.

∴   be okay with things. it's okay to be okay with the world. be okay with the fact that you aren't exactly where you want to be at this exact point in life. if you are doing your best, be okay with that.

∴   find what you love and let it kill you. probably the most surefire sign you've found it, is if you find yourself lying in bed, an hour after you turned off the lights, excitedly thinking about whatever it is giddy with butterflies. if at any point you experience this, throw your whole life into it.

if whatever 'it' is, isn't so obvious for you, keep searching. those little moments of clarity, or thrill, or vision, those moments add up. and if you peg them when you experience them, by writing them down or if you're good then by making a mental note, you can begin to discover whatever 'it' is.

if you know what it is, or you think you do, and you're worried about losing whatever it was you are working on now, ask yourself, 'was that project letting me sleep soundly at night?' if the answer is yes, it should probably go.

∴   embrace the linear timeline of human existence. one day, twelve years from today your kid may wake up and realize what you've been trying to teach him these last few months. you don't have to wait twelve years to feel good about your role as his parent. you can feel good about that today, because today you are doing the best damn job you can.

and if one day, twelve years from now, all the hard work you've put into a relationship, or work project, or church program suddenly repays itself, don't wait twelve years to let yourself feel fulfilled about that hard work. let yourself feel fulfilled right now. because it's today that you are committed and it's today that you are working hard.

∴   if you stop growing, you die. it doesn't matter if you reach the point of bill gates rich or miley cyrus famous, you will never reach a point where fame, wealth, success, or even positive accomplishments can keep you truly alive. you simply cannot stop reaching, learning, or growing. you are only as good as your next project.

note: the day after writing this list, i randomly watched swiss-miss's '11 rules i live by', which is surpisingly similar. any similarities are purely coincidence. but make me happy nonetheless.