chronicles of she

the most run down gas station in america has delightful type on their street number.

this is a post about rape culture. 

didn't realize it was going to be about rape culture but i feel like the experiences are piling up and i'm just aware of it and i need to talk about it.

>>read this!<<

i'm the nut who accidentally locked the keys in the car across the street from pioneer park, which i just read the other day is the biggest drug hub in not salt lake city, but the entire intermountain midwest.

within a few seconds a guy asks me for money. expected. a few minutes later some guys pull up literally three feet away from me and roll their window down and stare at me. this happens:

me: (after thirty seconds of being mentally undressed by the driver and pretending it's not happening so as to not have to deal)
--can i help you?
guy in car: i wanna getchu numbah
me: (unapologetically) no, no, never. please. go. leave. please, leave. (motioning with my hands to leave.)
guy in car: u ok? (that's how i imagine he would've spelled it)
me: (appalled and shocked stare) yes, leave. please, go.
guy in car: (slowly rolls up window. drives away.)

UHH DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?

but really i was fine and no big deal but what the hell?

//

and about ten minutes earlier as i was leaving work the people i helped were two guys that kept jokingly asking if we offered happy endings because they noticed our gym included massage chairs. really? in this case it was probably more so just about the one guy being kind of a jackass, but seriously? i just stared blankly and with my best jan levenson-gould voice said, "that's so offensive to me." in this case, the joke was about making me feel humiliated as the woman who was telling them about the gym services. freaking asshole.

//

last week i was hosting a booth promotion for a math company where i work. the guy at the booth next to me was reading a book (they clearly hired him for his exceptional sales skills), so i figured it wouldn't hurt to chat with him and maybe help him feel more comfortable.

after a few minutes of talking he said he was "impressed with my marketing skills" and invited me to promote women's self defense classes he wants to host. as i learned more about him and his business plan, i discovered he was an ex-cop, had been through the marine corps, was black belt certified, jujitsu, tai chi, all the martial arts training, etc. he genuinely wanted to help his community. his intention was to teach classes about self-defense and give the women in the classes a pepper spray key chain, you've heard it all before.

as i sat listening to his proposal to me, i just thought of all the reasons i wasn't interested. and besides the obvious i-have-no-desire-whatsoever-to-be-a-business-partner-with-some-random-ex-cop-i-literally-just-met, the biggest reason was that he had no idea how his approach was perpetuating the stranger rape myth. not to say the tackled-in-the-bushes-while-jogging-rape never happens, because it does and to ignore it would be irresponsible to the people affected such atrocities, but really so much rape is hard to define and happens between two people who usually know each other to some degree.

the stranger rape myth helps to protect the dads and coaches and friend's older brother's who tend to be the perpetrators much of the time, while still validating the victims. in general.

//

a couple months ago at work i was dancing to music and a middle-eastern man right in front of his head-to-toe-covered-up-wife slapped my butt so close he also touched my lady parts. twice. and i had no idea what to do. so i laughed. and walked away. and then felt humiliated.

//

basically this post is to promote awareness that rape culture is e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. from my favorite tv shows to the people at work. and it sucks.

the truth is that rape culture is prevalent from the trashy guy with corn rows who thinks it's okay to violate my body with his eyes to the guy who genuinely wants to help his community by teaching women to protect themselves in dark parking lots to the jerk at the gym to me and every other girl basically, who has jokingly mentioned about a million times "i shouldn't (fill in the blank) because then i would get raped!"

a year ago i wouldn't have considered any of these incidents connected to rape. i wouldn't have realized how they are all connected. and i'm just posting about it because a societal paradigm shift would be nice. i would love to see that happen.

ps- it was a gorgeous sunset! and those selfies indicate that i have boobs. which obviously means i'm asking for it. would everyone be please offended on cue!