there is only about 1% of the pink left in my hair and i'm totally sad about it. i wish it was easier to have colorful hair whenever i want. i wish it was easier to travel whenever i want. i wish it was easier to go to college and not be ridiculously poor. i wish making a living was easier. i wish fulfilling careers were easier to obtain. i wish balancing personal and work life was easier. i wish fulfilling friendships were easier to come by.
i'm feeling extremely 99% this week as reality is hitting and we are heading back to salt lake to crappy jobs and utah's upcoming winter. we have an exact number of dollars to get an apartment and back to work to start earning money again. it's not that i'm depressed or negative or ungrateful. i'm just aware and i'm just facing reality. it's okay to do that because anything else is denial and denial makes you feel empty. even if some of the spaces are filled with a few dark spots, at least it's not empty. i don't usually do empty, and for that i am grateful. what would a sunny day look like if there were no shade? i wouldn't like it.
you could try to give me a pep talk about how with the bad comes the good and how there is no fulfillment without challenges and that through opposition comes opportunity, but i'll save you the breath, because i know all that. i am that choir. i wrote that pep talk. i am that pep talk. and i do appreciate that pep talk. but sometimes, just let those low feelings exist for a little bit. it's wholeness i'm going for, and to be a complete person i need to not be robbed of the low feelings. just let me have the low feelings. let me be a complete person. let me wallow in sadness about leaving a city that i fell in love with and heading back to a state i could do without for a while. life's not over. it's not. but there are real challenges ahead and i'm bracing myself, which i would count myself wise for.
i'll be back to the dreaming and loving and hoping and infatuating and all that delicious, whip cream, yummy stuff soon enough.
i have no idea how other people keep their blogs so la vie en rose. for what it's worth, you can always count on me to display the good and the bad. i don't know how else to do it.
4 comments:
happy hal-LOW-ween
Yup, I love this. I couldn't agree more. I completely believe that every once in a while you just have to let yourself have a bad day... Or week. Whatever works. Haha
i have been dying to put pink in my hair for a while..that picture may have sent me over the edge. i love it.
also appreciate your naked honesty. bad days make the good ones better, there is nothing truer. there is something about being completely miserable every once in a while that almost feels good to me--like you're aware of yourself, & it cleanses you. not sure if that makes any sense, but i love all of this. the end.
i haven't told you this already, but that picture is a dream.
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