chronicles of she

for the past few months, whenever i see a photo of the ocean my heart. flips. i have a physical reaction, my blood burns, and i have to force myself to breath deeply. having grown up in utah, the ocean is always a welcomed adventure but a special treat.

i was coming to the end of my senior year in high school and it seemed everyone was talking about what was next. for spring break my best girl friends and i road tripped down to st. george to visit dixie state college and see the campus and learn about the school. even before we went i knew in my heart i wouldn't be attending, but that didn't stop me from getting in on the road trip fun. st. george seemed like a big leap for most high school kids who were imagining leaving home for the first time. but for me, it wasn't far enough.

the thing about me and my need to get-outta-here! is that i'm not running from anything. i'm chasing adventure. those last minutes of sunlight each day set my heart on fire, because all i want is to run into the sunset and stay with that beautiful light. to me, sunset is nature's anthem to adventure chasers.

after spring break had passed, while chatting with my cousin at a wedding he asked what my plans were. it's funny when people ask what you do, or what you studied, or are studying, or what your plans are next, it's just chit-chat, but it's always a loaded question. in the last week i've told people i'm studying communications, arts technology, graphic design, and i think yesterday i told someone it was visual communications with an emphasis on film and photojournalism (this is hilarious to me now, how made up it sounds). so when my cousin asked my about-to-graduate-self what was next i told him i wanted to be a nanny in new york city.

to make a long story really short: he and his wife had been living in new york city, had new twin babies and because she was heading back to work, they needed an extra hand a few days a week. so come fall when one of my friends did go to dixie state, another stayed in the area, two others headed up to utah state university, i headed to nyc for one of the greatest experiences of my life.

i have doted on, dreamed about, embellished and indulged the memories of those six months over and over since i was there. and at the risk of sounding like the rest of my life hasn't been as great, the rest of my life hasn't been as great-ha! i'm all about remembering fond memories but with a greater concerted effort to forge new, even better ones. however, this is a memory that needs to be recorded.

i had lived in new york city for a few months when ben and julie (my cousin and his wife) invited me with them for a week road trip through the cape cod area. i had never heard of cape cod, martha's vinyard or nantucket before then, but we saw it all. we ate at a restaurant that hung over the craggy cliffs above the ocean and i tried oysters for the first time. we stayed in a cabin in the beautiful, greenest, lushest neighborhood i had ever seen. we walked along sand roads lined with nautical rope fences, and enjoyed grassy, sandy beaches. my heart absolutely fell in love with the charming neighborhoods of new england--there's a *huge* part of me that sees a future there one day.

we woke up early one sunny morning and boarded a whale-watching boat. the boat was decent in size, held a couple hundred people, double-decker of course; the main feature was open walkways to view the water and hopefully catch a glimpse of a whale. we pushed the twins around with the double wide stroller hoping to see something and after about an hour, we did. i vaguely remember having a camera with me, but i have no idea what happened to the photos, sadly.

when the majestic show of dancing whales was over and the boat was headed back to the shore, i wandered by myself through the boat. i went to the upper level and headed all the way to the tippy top, front end of the boat. 

i'm not sure if i chose the song or if it shuffled onto my pink 1st gen ipod mini (so vogue at the time), but five for fighting's if god made you was playing in my ears (of course had to get the song on my ipod after sisterhood of the traveling pants had come into the theaters and our hearts). the new england coast was in the distance, the pale-blue-homes-white-picket-fence-tall-wavy-grass-esque distance, the water was the nicest shade of navy--sparkling and glistening and bouncing with the rhythm and unity of a ballet, seagulls were flying above us, the sun was low enough in the sky that it was still daytime, but gave the appearance of sunset, working neatly with the clouds to give us just enough sun but not too much and combined with right tint of orange in my shades to create one of the most beautiful sights my eyes will ever see. there were no people or parts of the boat obstructing my view. the entire experience was total bliss. for about ten minutes i listened to the song on repeat and just took it all in. breathing and blinking was sweet. merely existing during those few minutes was all i could ask for.

with that beautiful song playing in my ears (it is still, to this day, my all time favorite song because of this experience), the beautiful view in my eyes, the delightful breeze blowing across my skin and dancing with my hair, and nothing and no one to distract or disturb me from this trifecta of the senses, something changed inside of me; this was a soul-altering experience. i didn't wake up that morning anticipating any of that would happen to me. sometimes the smell of sunscreen or being outside with the rarest degree of humidity or seeing a seagull above my head in this very inland utah, sometimes it will spark that moment in my memory, and for a second i'll remember how sweet life is capable of tasting.

i'll spend the rest of my life trying to experience it again. it's taken until now, seven years later, for me to fully comprehend how special and magical that precious moment was, and how that, that blood burning, heart flipping love for the ocean, not everything else that seems important at times, is what i want my life to be about.

adventure-chasers, sunset-catchers, ocean-lovers, tell me i'm not alone, i don't sound crazy, do i?