jared and i have been married for 917 days.
and known each other for 1,698 days.
and basically been together for 1,110 of those days.
and i hope that our relationship goes on infinitely.
however, not all of it has been spoonfuls of nutella and late-night birthday cake. there have been WHY-ARE-YOU-THE-WAY-THAT-YOU-ARE "conversations", mostly spurred by me being selfish and sassy and double selfish and also a little bit of my incessant need for (just jared's) dirty clothes to be in hampers and not on the floor and also a little bit of jared's inability to understand why i need to spend $300 at ikea every time we move. and
and lately i've had to ask jared for a redo all the time. you know, the moment where you behave less than classy and sweet and considerate and everything that you should be for someone that you love dearly? sometimes he's still mad that i was being a total brat and takes a second to say yes. but usually ends up saying yes.
too often, i attack and blame jared for the things in my life that aren't exactly how i wish they were. for example, a constantly clean home, less stress, more money, more travel, less homework, more time, more rest, more inspiration, these thing's absence in my life have all at one point or another or even another been "jared's fault completely".
but inside and outside of all that is the reality that i came home from work tonight and had the most enjoyable evening of my life watching netflix with him. and a few days ago we dead seriously tried to wear the same pair of sweats by squishing both his legs into one leg of the sweats and fitting both mine into the other. and then we took a few hops, toppled over onto our bed and laughed for ten minutes.
also, this morning he was "literally the proudest he's ever been of me" after tearing out of bed this morning at 6am in an angry rage over the alarm clock that had been going off for seven minutes straight in the apartment above ours (because apparently the person who lives there fell into a coma during the night) and unapologetically whacking our ceiling with a broom (after about eight whacks the alarm stopped--that MF should bake me cookies as a thank-you for getting his/her ass to work on time). even though i laid awake for the next hour, jared was able to promptly fall back asleep (that lucky bastard and his ability to fall asleep on cue).
just the truth is that out of nowhere, sitting here at 1:33am, enjoying the light of our christmas tree, listening to my husband's gentle sleeping breathing, i realized that i love the good and the bad, i love it all. and the thought of one day not being able to come home from work and watch netflix with him makes my throat close up and my brain spasm and my heart stop. and i don't want that to happen.
so here's to the life we are forging together, to the astronomical amount we pay to our cell phone provider, to the prayers we say near our bed, i love it all. and i never want to live one second of it without him.
[side note about the photos: the sweetest stranger (who claimed to be a retired professional photographer) offered to take our picture under this big tree when he saw us fumbling with that fisheye lens (that's in my hand) over my iphone camera (to get this instagram) and these are the turnout. we totally didn't plan our outfits to be mismatched matching but that's how it worked out (so naturally these will also be our appropriate hipster style kardashian family christmas photo this year). they are totally dorky and cute and that's why i love them.] also, text in the image is a quote from sarah kay.
1 comment:
i loved this. marriage is so hard, and i am so imperfect. but it's so beautiful at the same time. you captured the paradox so well--with stories i could relate to. you are great.
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